The Irregular Newsletter of Minnesota Garlic Festival
- MN MONTHLY’S “THINGS to DO this SUMMER”
- FESTIVAL DIRECTOR GETS MUDBOOTS
- PROMENADERS WANTED
- BOOTLEG AUDIO and PHOTO MONTAGE
- AMERICINN IS GOING TO STINK
- WEBSITE COLOR CONTROVERSY
MN MONTHLY’S “THINGS to DO this SUMMER”
We’re downright delighted to report that the festival made it on to Minnesota Monthly’s “Best of Summer 2011” list. It’s not on the website – they tease you with a couple of things and then say “For the rest of this feature…visit your nearest newsstand to purchase the May issue”. We’re one of their “things you have to do, eat and see this summer,” and we couldn’t be happier!
FESTIVAL DIRECTOR GETS MUDBOOTS
Festival Director Jerry Ford has successfully completed negotiations to bring The Mudboots Crew Marching Band, which is made up entirely of farmers, farmhands and asylum escapees from the musical meccas of Milan and Montevideo, Minnesota, to perform at this year’s festival. Whereas details of the hard-won agreement are sketchy – figures as high as the ten’s of dollars have been reported – it appears that the deal was sealed when Ford promised to “name our next-born ‘Mudboot'” if the group would appear. This condition so delighted Head Mudbootee, Malena Handeen, that she instantly signed the contract, only to discover later, in a fine print sub-paragraph of the codicil, the punctilio that “the heretofore mentioned next-born shall be of the bovine persuasion” – and there is now a perky, blackfooted Holstein calf at Ford’s farm who bears the name “Mudboots.”
The Mudboots Crew Marching Band – imagine a Mardi Gras parade crashing into a truckload of organic farm workers being driven to the hospital by a herd of ravenous foodies – is comprised of Food-loving Folk from west-central Minnesota farms such as Sundance, Moonstone, Earthrise, Borgendale Dairy, Easy Bean, and Humble Roots Heritage Farm; as well as out-patients from the Milan Village Asylum and Art School, under the direction of their posteminent director*, Woody Vie Kingstatue.
Front-woman and Head Mudbootee, Malena Handeen, rallies the band exactly the way that John Philip Sousa wouldn’t, as they expound on the merits of living close to the earth, inciting call-and response chanting, cheering and caterwauling from the unsuspecting crowds.
WANTED: Prospective participants for the Peculiar Pragmatic Promenade to perk up the parade. Prizes provided. Parley up by the twin silos at 1:20 p.m. to partake in the peppy promenade, which proceeds at precisely 1:37 p.m. to perambulate the public party then in progress at the Festival, all under the direction of Promenade Director*, Irene “I-Love-a-Parade” Bender.**
Prerequisites to participate: Historically inaccurate garments (Middle Ages or earlier); the ability to detect the difference between Chiogga and Merlin beets by smell alone; pink flamingos; and an unabashed affection for all things allium. Oh yeah – it helps if you have a musical instrument, though being able to play it is not necessary, as long as you have fun and look good while holding it!
Things not allowed: long faces, breath mints, taking it seriously.
The Peculiar Pragmatic Promenade will be led by Minneapolis Police Pipe and Drum Corps, and it includes the Mudboots Crew Marching Band (see above), Fashion Models from the Crow River Arts organic fashion show, The Narren of New Ulm, The Garlic Diva (Allicin Aglio, aka Kitty Karn), Storytellers from India, Mu Taiko Community Drummers, and Clairseach (Irish musicians from Winthrop).
BOOTLEG AUDIO and PHOTO MONTAGE
By t-shirt vendor and veteran of all five festivals so far, from 2009:
AMERICINN IS GOING TO STINK
Sara Baumetz, manager at Americinn in Hutchinson, has offered an $85 special Garlic Fest weekend rate – versus the normal $96.90 – just mention the garlic festival to get the discount. AND…you get two tickets for the price of one with room key, one offer per key.
WEBSITE COLOR CONTROVERSY
Sustainable Farming Association of MN, the non-profit organization that sponsors the festival, spent mega-bucks designing a nifty new logo and revamping their website. Then they asked us to move the festival’s website – which had worked just fine where it was for five years, thank you – into their new format, which we were loath to do. Have you seen their color scheme? They paid some consultant handsomely to come up with turquoise*** and brown?! It totally clashes with the festival’s chosen pallete: green and yellow****. If the Garlic Festival stands for anything, it’s good taste*****; we simply couldn’t accept this obvious and odious clash of color coordination – so we resoundingly refused their offer.
“We have our principles! Our standards! Long live the Green and Yellow,” we cried!
“We pay for your website,” they reposted.
“Oh. . . urm. . . well, turquoise and brown aren’t so bad,” we recanted.
So, check it out, it’s kind of cute: www.mngarlicfest.com .
(Not to worry – our logo is still green and yellow!******)
MINNESOTA GARLIC FESTIVAL
Saturday, August 13, 2011
10 a.m. – 6 p.m.
McLeod County Fairgrounds in Hutchinson
All Weather Event!
No Pets please.
Jerry Ford, Editor in Chief
Nick Neaton, Editor in Cognito
* Did we just use “Direction” and “director” in the same sentence? The Stinky News staff would heartily welcome the donation of a thesaurus.** Regular Stinky News readers will remember that Irene retired from the festival last year, sort of. She returns this year as a Peculiar Pragmatic Promenade consultant. Or maybe she’s just peculiar.
*** Or is it teal?
**** Which bears a striking, though completely coincidental resemblance to John Deere’s trademark colors. We didn’t pay some hoity-toity consultant to come up with this – the festival director picked it because it’s his undergraduate alma mater’s colors.
***** Or is it “tasting good”?
****** Or black and white, when we can’t afford color printing.