The Odorous, Abnormal and Laughable* Newsletter of
Minnesota Garlic Festival
- GARLIC LOVERS BALL
- PECULIAR PRAGMATIC PROMENADE
- WINE & CRAFT BEER TASTING
- POSTER DESIGN CONTEST
- GARLIC GROWING CONTEST
- THE NEWS FROM LAKE WOBEGON
You can read past issues of The Stinky News at the festival website, www.mngarlicfest.com; just look for the links on the left side of the page.
GARLIC LOVERS BALL
Ever wished that you could start your Garlic Festival festivities a day early? Crow River Winery can grant that wish! Join them for the GARLIC LOVERS BALL, an ebullient evening of dinner and dancing under the stars in the Crow River Vineyard.
Dinner and wine as the sun begins to set, with food from local farmers; then dancing begins at 8 p.m. with live music provided by Forty Shades of Green. They even provide a taxi service to Hutchinson hotels so you can be all rested up for the Garlic Festival the next day.
The Garlic Lovers Ball is open to everyone, tickets are $45 per person, and that includes a ticket to Garlic Fest!
Click here to buy tickets today!
PECULIAR PRAGMATIC PROMENADE
by Irene Bender, Prolific Propagator of the Letter “P”
Perhaps you are pondering participating in the Peculiar, Pragmatic Promenade at the Minnesota Garlic Festival on Saturday, August 11th? Perfect! Please bring your parasol, parakeet, or other promenadable paraphernalia, and meet by the Twin Silos at 1:30 where the Parade Provost will parse the participants into a presentable procession; and be prepared to proceed with promenading at precisely 1:37 p.m. With your purposeful presence participating in this prodigious parade, we can produce a procession that surpasses all previous promenades. Premium prizes will be awarded for “Most Peculiar,” “Most Pragmatic,” and “Best Promenader.”
MINNESOTA WINE & CRAFT BEER TASTING
What could go better with garlicky dishes prepared by local chefs than fine wines from Minnesota’s vineyards and our state’s profusion of craft beers? Yes, we’ve added breweries! And here’s another perk: you’ll be able to take your Official Commemorative Wine Glass or Mug with you as you dine at The Great Scape and other food purveyors (in previous years, since the mid-60’s, we required that you spend two hours in a confined space tasting the wine, deprived of food; but now you may come and go as you please with your glass or mug).
Read all about it at: www.sfa-mn.org/garlicfest/wine-beer-tasting/
POSTER DESIGN CONTEST
Are you an expiring artist?*** Or an established artist who hasn’t quite created that masterpiece for which you will be remembered long after you have shaken off this mortal coil? Then the Poster Design Competition is for you! The winner receives fabulous prizes, an honorary title, and the ignominy of letting us shamelessly use your work without paying you a penny in royalties.
GARLIC GROWING CONTEST
If you grow garlic in your garden or for market, and have managed to avoid prosecution thus far, then you should take advantage of the Garlic Growing Contest: “The Big, the Small, & the Ugly.” Here’s a competition in which size really does matter, with awards for the largest and smallest bulbs in ten different varietal categories, as well as “best in show” and “ugliest” prizes. And, oh, the prizes! You could win quarts bottles of award-winning California Lucero Olive Oil (one of the festival’s fine sponsors), the number one CD about garlic of all time, an invaluable Guille oil painting of a garlic bulb, or a rusty bowling trophy we got at a garage sale (for “ugliest”).
Find all the details at: www.sfa-mn.org/garlicfest/garlic-contest/
THE NEWS FROM LAKE WOBEGON
Every great newsletter has it’s role models – those who have blazed the trail to literary obscurity ahead of us – and we here at Stinky News World Headquarters often speak in hushed, reverent tones of The Onion, a venerable “equal opportunity offender” publication that is now celebrating “80 years of pronounced social maladjustment.” When we grow up, we want to be as good at being bad as they are.
Now they have published a news item that has struck us dumb with awe, and it’s so specific to our beloved state that we couldn’t resist passing it on to you with our heartiest trepidation.
Disclaimer: Any resemblance to fictional characters that have been copyrighted by famous Minnesota authors and radio personalities is entirely The Onion’s fault. Don’t sue The Stinky News; we are just the messenger. No sensitive poets were harmed in the production of this newsletter.
Here’s the link. Brace yourselves: www.theonion.com/articles/two-dozen-more-bodies-found-in-lake-wobegon,2695/?ref=auto
MINNESOTA GARLIC FESTIVAL
Saturday, August 11, 2012
10 a.m. – 6 p.m.
McLeod County Fairgrounds in Hutchinson
No Pets, Please!
Rain or Shine
Sustainable Farming Association of MN
Festival of Farms: click here
MN Garlic Festival: click here
SFA’s Facebook: click here
* The Editorial Staff at Stinky News Operations Building (SNOB) have a book club, the criterion** of which is that we will only read books which make us feel superior when we cram them down someone else’s throat. To wit, we have just completed Bill Bryson’s “The Mother Tongue: English and How It Got That Way,” in which the author points out that these three adjectives in our tagline above are actually compliments.
** The singular form of criteria, which is actually the plural, even though everyone who doesn’t read books like “The Mother Tongue” misuses it in sentences like, “my criteria for coming to the Garlic Festival is the new Craft Beer Tasting“; the sentence should read, “my criteria ARE the Craft Beer Tasting and the fact that I found one of the hidden 2-for-1 Ticket Coupons.”
*** “Expiring” probably isn’t the word we meant to use, but we liked the way it sounded.