The Bulbously-Themed Newsletter of Minnesota Garlic Festival
Minnesota Garlic Festival
- GREAT ARTICLES ON BULBOUS BULBS
- KNOCKING BALLS TOGETHER
- THROWING OUT THE FIRST BULB
- GARLIC LOVERS BALL
- WINE & BEER DETAILS FINALIZED
- GYRATORY CIRCUS
You can read past issues of The Stinky News at the festival website, www.mngarlicfest.com; just look for the links on the left side of the page.
GREAT ARTICLES ON BULBOUS BULBS
Food writer Sue Doeden, a perennial promulgator of prodigious provender, participated in a garlic taste-testing at the home of Carol Schmidt, Coordinator of the festival’s Garlic Growing Contest, and then gushed gregariously about it in her blog and in newspapers from Bemidji to Fargo. Read all about it**:
KNOCKING BALLS TOGETHER
Bocce Ball is at Garlic Festival, with fabulous prizes: much better than some diesel-fuming, regurgitation-inducing, carnival ride that sends you to the chiropractor the next day.*** And you can actually hold your local beer or wine, and maybe even a pulled pork sandwich from The Great Scape Cafe, while playing. The cost to play is $1-3 depending on how Italian you look.****
THROWING OUT THE FIRST BULB
Were you aware that festival activities begin before the announced 10:00 a.m. start time? (Actually, they start the night before: see the next article). It’s a well-know secret that ten minutes before the festival starts there’s the Opening Ceremony, “Throwing Out the First Bulb” (think baseball’s “throwing out the first pitch”), where you can get a head start on all the goofiness. Celebrities that can actually get up that early include the president, the mayor, the queen, the princess, the executive director, a commodore, the Roe Family Singers, and the Narren.
GARLIC LOVERS BALL
Garlic, wine and dancing under the moonlight, and then the Garlic Festival the next day. Life just gets better and better.
Crow River Winery, Friday, August 11th.
And it includes a ticket to the festival!
WINE & BEER DETAILS FINALIZED
Read all about the new and improved Minnesota Wine & Craft Beer feature!
No, it’s not a new act at the festival. We just wanted to point out that even though we don’t don’t offer carnival rides at the festival (see Balls article above), and since we’re talking about how the fun begins even before the gates open, we wanted to let you know about a special entertainment feature we’ve arranged just for our garlic lovers that come from the Twin Cities and north central Minnesota: Gyratory Circus Rides! And you don’t even have to get out of your car to enjoy them!
A cross between the venerable circus rides Bumper Cars and The Fun House, you can experience a Gyratory Circus on Hwy. 15 at the north end of Hutchinson; and our Metro friends actually get two of them on Hwy. 7. Plan your routes so that you can experience all three!
The Gyratory Circus was invented by a Frenchman with an intractable alignment problem in his Peugeot, or possibly an Englishman with similar problems in his Austin Mini (the historical record isn’t clear); and this inventor insisted on the cumbersome name Gyratory Circus for his latest solution to a non-existent problem, thus proving the maxim that inventors should never be allowed to name their own inventions. Cooler heads prevailed, and the terms “rotary,” “traffic circle” and “roundabout”***** came into common use.
MINNESOTA GARLIC FESTIVAL
Where the weather forecast is great, but we can move almost everything indoors if we have to;
and no attire is too strange, especially if you’re participating in the Peculiar Pragmatic Promenade.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
10 a.m. – 6 p.m.
McLeod County Fairgrounds in Hutchinson
No Pets, Please!
Rain or Shine
Sustainable Farming Association of MN
Festival of Farms: click here
MN Garlic Festival: click here
SFA’s Facebook: click here
* Regular readers of The Stinky News (known to the Demographics Department at Stinky News World Headquarters as “hopeless masochists with far too much spare time”) will remember that, to botanists, a garlic bulb is actually a “head,” and the individual cloves are technically “bulbs.” These same botanists spend an inordinate amount of time trying to convince the rest of us to use this terminology. Our Demographics Depart refers to such botanists as “hopelessly punctilious anklebiters with far too much spare time.”
** This article was given top billing in an attempt to placate an organization that formed solely for the purpose of pressuring us into publishing stories that, in their words, “actually have something interesting and exciting in them.” The Organization for Great Articles in the Stinky News (ORGASN) sent us these pieces by Sue Doeden, with a petition signed by both of their members, and a note saying “See? You can write stuff about garlic without sounding stupid!”
*** A few years ago, the festival was actually approached by a company that produces carnivals. The conversation went something like this:
Carnival Company: “We’re going to be in the area during your festival, and we think we’d be a good fit for you. We’ve got a week between county fairs with nothing to do, so we’ll set up a carnival for you real cheap.”
Garlic Festival: “Have you looked at our website?”
C.C: “Yeah, a carnival will bring in lots more people.”
G.F.: “Can you run the rides on bio-diesel? Solar or wind power?”
G.F.: “We’ve already got kite flying and potato sack races, so I think we’re OK.”
C.C: (hangs up)
**** MN Garlic Festival does not profile. We didn’t even know that profile could be a verb.
***** I get this song stuck in my head every time I go through a gyratory circus.