The Newsletter of Bon Mots and Euphony for MINNESOTA GARLIC FESTIVAL
Very Late May Edition
- GARLIC WINE
- GETTING REAL
- GARLIC FESTIVAL GETS HIGH TWICE
- FREE 2-for-1 TICKET COUPON CONTEST
- FOLLOW-UP TO “THE BIGGEST THING EVER” ARTICLE
We know what you’re thinking: that this is another one of Stinky News’s silly stories that has no basis in this reality or the one next door (see next article). Well, it’s true (the garlic wine story, not the bit about realities next door): Crow River Winerey, host of the popular Garlic Lovers Ball the night before the festival, and one of the stars of the Wine & Beer Feature, makes not one but two garlic wines. They call them “Inspiring Cooking Wines”, though we’re not sure if “cooking” refers to the process of preparing food, or if it’s more of a superlative, as in “The blues band’s cookin and the drummer’s burnin down“. Either way, these wines, made from two different varieties of garlic grown right there at the vineyard near Hutchinson, are meant to be shared, because if you don’t, whoever doesn’t have some will probably leave – which could be useful in certain social situations.
Among the thousands of letters, emails and telegrams received by our complaints staff, the WIMPS Department (Whiners, Ingrates and Mollycoddled Petulant Sulkers), the second most common complaint** is from readers who want to know when the topics are real and when we’re just making stuff up. In response, the WIMPS Department offered this comparative list of examples for future reference, and then took the rest of the week off:
EXAMPLES of REAL STUFF:
EXAMPLES of STUFF WE MADE UP:
STUFF THAT WE WISH WAS TRUE:****
For the remainder of this issue, we will, just for the WIMPS, color code certain items:
GARLIC FESTIVAL GETS HIGH TWICE
FREE 2-for-1 TICKET COUPON CONTEST
Now you can win free 2-for-1 Ticket Coupons for festival admission! Here’s all you have to do: send an email to Stinky News World Headquarters, email@example.com, telling us what’s different about the 2-for-1 coupon this year******. Correct answers will receive all the 2-for-1 Ticket Coupons they can print.
A SEQUEL TO “THE BIGGEST THING EVER” ARTICLE
“The author of the ‘Findings‘ segment of Harper’s Magazine is a troglodyte with delusions of mediocrity who has never designed a piece of the International Space Station. I have. What the line should say is, ‘Distribution of stars in young globular clusters defies our current understanding of gravity’. They are ‘misbehaving themselves’, so it seems, so we will have to fashion a new understanding of what is going on there. This speaks to the heart of what science is about: discover, theorize, test hypothesis, if wrong then you have a new discovery and the cycle repeats”.
MINNESOTA GARLIC FESTIVAL
Saturday, August 10, 2013
10 a.m. – 6 p.m.
McLeod County Fairgrounds, Hutchinson
$5 adults, $3 kids, free babies, $1 parking
No Pets Please