The Stinky News – June 2014

The chthonic* newsletter of MINNESOTA GARLIC FESTIVAL
June 2014 Edition


The Twine Ball Festival Problem

Garlic Festival is always the 2nd Saturday in August, and so is the Twine Ball Festival in Darwin**, MN, which has been an ongoing problem for The Stinky News Administration Program (SNAP), the division of The Stinky News (TSN) that is responsible for employee morale and fitness – you may have seen our outreach offices in rundown strip malls.

The problem is this:  since Twine Balling – which is what insiders call going to that festival – is obviously so much more fun than Garlic Bulbing – which is not what insiders call going to this festival, but they should – we’ve had defections;  every year a few of our staff sneak off to go T-Balling – which is what real insiders call it – and we find ourselves shorthanded for our Stinky News attractions at garlic festival.***

To counteract this flight to Twine Ball Days, SNAP developed a plan whereby TSN employees could participate in both events, and it worked so well that we are now announcing it to Garlic Festival Patrons (that’s you).  The “Send the Ball a Ball Contest” gives you the opportunity to send a twine ball to Twine Ball Days, while YOU attend the Garlic Festival.

Download the form here:
Then make up your own twine ball design and send it off to Twine Ball Days, PO Box 1, Darwin, MN 55324.
There will probably be some fabulous prizes.

2-for-1 Coupon Smackdown

Spurred on by the rousing success of our Haiku Contest, The Stinky News now announces a new competition: “The 2-for-1 Coupon Smackdown”.

Here’s the deal:
1) You can get your own batch of personalized 2-for-1 coupons****** to give away.
2) After the festival, we’ll count the 2-for-1 coupons that were turned in at admissions.
3) If your coupons were the most, you win a fabulous prize.

We will print the coupons for you, in your own personalized color, and send them to you.
Contact Jerry Ford at gro.n1441057508m-afs1441057508@yrre1441057508j1441057508 to arrange this.
Green and blue are already taken.

Then you inflict the coupons on random strangers, funambulists, autochthonous**** populations, and flocculated flocks of fellows; and when they all show up at the festival, and turn in your personalized 2-for-1 coupons, it will count toward your total.

A New Volunteer Volunteer Coordinator

There are thirty or so Coordinators who run the Garlic Festival, and most of them don’t get paid.  The newest of these Is Brigid Borka, Volunteer Coordinator, and she wants to hear from you.

One of the best kept secrets at the festival is the great deal that volunteers get:  free admission, a free meal at The Great Scape, a free t-shirt, free parking (this year you’ll even have your own backstage entrance so you don’t have to wait in the admissions line), and a fabulous bonus prize that we don’t tell you about until you get there.

In her spare time, Brigid is a costumer at the Guthrie Theatre;  but her real passion is volunteering to recruit and manage volunteers.

More info here:

When It’s Garlic Testing Time in Minnesota

Spoiler Alert:  even though “Garlic Bloat Nematode” sounds like something we’d make up, unfortunately it is not — so there’s no joke in this article.  Garlic growers and gardeners – anybody growing garlic, especially if you’re selling it or giving it away – you need to get your garlic tested for this really awful bug.  We’ve done a pretty good job of keeping from spreading in Minnesota so far, but the threat is still there.

You can get instructions on how to do the testing here:
Yes, it’s the site for Garlic Festival Vendors, but read down the page a little to get the information and submission form.  Any gardener or grower can have the testing done.

Testing occurs between June 15 and July 15.

All vendors selling whole garlic at the festival are required to pass this test, so when you buy your seed garlic there you can do so with confidence.

And a note to the Garlic Growers:  if you’re thinking of selling at the festival, and you’ll have at least 1,500 bulbs available, now is the time to get your Vendor Application in.  We only allow 14 of the finest growers to get booths, but you need to get on the list to be considered for a spot.

9th Annual
Saturday, August 9, 2014
10 a.m. – 6 p.m.
McLeod County Fairgrounds, Hutchinson
All Weather Event

* Editor’s Note:  Isn’t that just the coolest word ever?  How often do you see “chth” together in one word?  We use chthonic in this context in reference to garlic, which does, in effect, come from the underworld.

** People often ask us how the town of Darwin got its name.  Our official response until this year was, “Who cares?”; but since obviously so many Stinky News readers do, we did some research.  It turns out that, indeed, it is connected to Charles Darwin.  Mr. Darwin is famous for his phylogeny theories on “survival of the fittest” and “natural selection”, and in his research he cited numerous examples of how particular individuals developed skills or mutations that better fitted them to adapt and survive.  Less known, however, are his experiments on the members of a species that DON’T develop these advantages, one of which involved giving primates pieces of string to see what useful things they would make of them.  There were some remarkable results:  string tools, traps, communications devices, undergarments – the list goes on – and yet there was also a portion of the population that simply wound up the string and looked at it. A small group of these migrated to Minnesota, and named their settlement after the man they perceived as their benefactor.

*** The Stinky News sponsors these attractions at Garlic Festival: The Rogue Runway Fashion Show*****, The Finger Picking Contest, The Hand Wringing Contest, The Nose Flute Contest, and The Nose Picking Contest.

**** Another word with “chth” together!

***** This event is recruiting “designers” and models for this year’s show.  If you have an apparel or accessary line you would like to show off, or even just a bunch of cool recycled sartorial items from the thrift store, or some other creative accouterment; or if you’d like to model your pimped-out garlic fest t-shirt or some free swag from one of our festival breweries or wineries, please contact the Rogue Runway director:
Marienne Kreitlow, moc.e1441057508nneir1441057508am@en1441057508neira1441057508m1441057508

****** If you just want a 2-for-1 Ticket Coupon for yourself and your date – assuming you can get one – go here: