The gratis and complimentary* newsletter of MINNESOTA GARLIC FESTIVAL
June 2013 Edition
- WARNER’S STELLIAN GRILL GIVEAWAY at the FESTIVAL
- POSTER DESIGN CONTEST
- A DESPERATE PLEA
- WE’RE GOING to FLASH YOU
- WHEN IT’S GARLIC SCAPING TIME in MINNESOTA
WARNERS’ STELLIAN** GRILL GIVEAWAY at the FESTIVAL
Warners’ Stellian, Minnesota’s premiere home and kitchen appliance store and Garlic Festival sponsor, will be giving away a top-of-the-line gas grill at this year’s festival! This will be the very same grill used by Mary Jane Miller for the Chef Demo Stage, and she will be awarding it to some lucky festival fan.
Here’s the small print:
- You MUST BE PRESENT TO WIN, and the drawing will be held at 5:55 p.m. on festival day at the Local Foods Stage.
- You have three options for getting the grill home: 1) take it right away in your own vehicle, 2) pick it up at the Warners’ Stellian warehouse in St. Paul, or 3) have Warners’ Stellian deliver to your home in the metro area for $75.
- Filling out the entry form at the Local Foods Stage – one entry per person please – also gets you on Warners’ Stellian’s mailing list.
POSTER DESIGN CONTEST
Do you like to design posters? Do you like to draw, paint, whatever-the-verb-is-for-doing-graphic-art, or doodle?
Do you like to win fabulous prizes?
Enter the Garlic Festival Poster Design Competition.
For more details, see the website:
or contact Amelia Neaton, email@example.com, 612-219-1853.
A DESPERATE PLEA
This just in from the Director of the festival’s Rouge Runway Fashion Show (“Inappropriate and Impractical Apparel for Everyday”):
“You know you want to. You know that you have the secret desire, and now here’s your chance, at Minnesota Garlic Festival !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!***
The producers of “Rogue Runway” – a first-time fashion feature at the festival this year – are (desperately) seeking farmers and fashionistas who would like to strut their ultra-dimensional creations in this exclusive Festival event.
We’re organizing a cast of haute coiffure cuties (male and female) in such acts as “50 Ways to Upcycle your Volunteer Staff T-shirt”, “Men in Skirts”, “The Latest in Goat Milking Apparel” and “Seduced by Dr. Seuss.”
We would like to invite artists and designers to come model their quirky fashions ranging from dresses made from garden hose and row cover, hats like Dr. Suess might wear, someone sporting a ballgown with a toolbelt for the “fashion-aware” farmer on her way to prom – or whatever you come up with.
We’re (really, really desperately) looking for people interested in having some fun with fashion – recycled is great but what about something actually pulled out of the dumpster? A dress made from the insides of an old sofa or decorated with used tea bags? A design that reflects the quirky, sustainable spirit of the garlic festival? Does this inspire you bring some surprisingly sustainable fashions to a garlic festival?
Parade in the Peculiar Pragmatic Promenade at 1:37 p.m.;
Rogue Runway Shows at 2:30 and 4:30.
Perks: You’ll get a Free Parking Pass, which is like a Backstage Pass that gets free admission for you and a guest, and free parking.
Interested? Contact Mariénne Kreitlow and tell her what you have in mind: firstname.lastname@example.org or call at 320-543-3394.
WE’RE GOING to FLASH YOU
In keeping with the festivals’ official policy of doing quirky stuff, we’re actually bringing in a musical group to do flash mobs. We’ve asked the Prairie Fire Lady Choir, a group we’ve been trying to book since the mid-50’s, to do spontaneous performances throughout the festival.
If you’re not familiar with flash mobs, here’s a favorite of Stinky News’ Music and Needlepoint Critic, Beauregard T. Ponce de Leon: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbJcQYVtZMo
So, if you’re standing in line to get a glass of fine local wine and a brilliantly dressed choir suddenly materializes beside you, don’t be too surprised, Prairie Fire Lady Choir is a group of Twin Cities area women who sing, take risks, stretch their skills, dress in fire-colored outfits, and share their collective talent with the world. Their mash-up of “Mr. Sandman” and Metallica’s “Enter the Sandman” is a life-changing experience (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42aC6kD4vL0)
(There’s a joke in here having to do with Prairie FIRE, FLASH mobs, and SPONTANEOUS performances, but our Puns and Word Play Editorial Department – PAWPED – couldn’t quite bring it together. Please send your suggestions – for the joke and for new PAWKED employees – to the Editor.)
WHEN IT’S GARLIC SCAPING TIME in MINNESOTA
Garlic scapes are popping out all over the state, mostly on garlic plants****, but they’ll start showing up at farmers markets soon. Here’s an article by one of our festival growers that not only tells you what scapes are, but has a couple of great recipes for them.
MINNESOTA GARLIC FESTIVAL
Saturday, August 10, 2013
10 a.m. – 6 p.m.
McLeod County Fairgrounds, Hutchinson
$5 adults, $3 kids, free babies, $1 parking
No Pets Please
* What would English be without all those words derived from the Latin “gratia”, which meant grace and kindness, at least to the Romans. Words like congratulate, gratuity, and cheese grater?
And what a versatile word is “complimentary”! Not only does it mean “given as a freebie” – as in premiums, parsley and swag (stuff we all get) – but it also can be used in the context of offering praise or approval. However, it is a common mistake among the uninformed and Iowans to use “complement” in this context. Everyone north of 43 degrees 30 minutes north latitude knows “complement” is a word meaning two things that go together, as in: “garlic and ice cream are complementary in the same way that twine ball and festival are not”.
But to the original point, not only is this issue of Stinky News “gratis” and “complimentary” in and of itself, but the lead article is also about a huge freebie that you can get at this year’s festival.
** The origins of “stellian” arise from equine sources: a stallion is a fertile male horse, whereas a gelding is a neutered horse that cannot father offspring. A stellian is a male horse in which the procedure didn’t quite take.
*** This is a direct quote from Ms. Kreitlow, otherwise the Stinky News Interior Punctuation Police (SNIPP) would never allow that many exclamation points in one sentence (or in an entire issue, for that matter). But Ms. Kreitlow is married to Stinky News’ CEO, and, well. . .
**** It’s like that old joke: Q: Where is the majority of leather being used in the United States? A: Cows are wearing it.