The Efficacious, Effervescent, Effulgent and mostly Ineffectual Newsletter of MINNESOTA GARLIC FESTIVAL
- GARLIC FESTIVAL STOOPS TO NEW HIGHS
- FESTIVAL FUNDS TO YOUNG FARMERS
- FUNISTRADA RECIPE CONTEST
- VENDOR APPLICATIONS ALMOST READY
- CEREBRATE FOOD TIMES, COME ON!
GARLIC FESTIVAL STOOPS TO NEW HIGHS
In our sisyphusian effort to elevate the image of the Garlic Festival, we strive to establish collaborations with other entities that have a classier reputation than we do (which is 97% or them), and, once we’ve tacked their name on to ours like flypaper to an overly curious kitten’s nose, sometimes we even tell them we’ve done it. In that vein, we are pleased to announce that we passed the rigorous standards set forth by the Minnesota Landscape Arboretum to become an Endorsing Organization of the Sustainable Agriculture Summit, a.k.a. Sustainable Farming Association Annual Conference, to be held at the Arboretum in February. Here is an actual transcript from the grueling interview process:
MN Landscape Arboretum: “So, you know the Garlic Festival could be an Endorsing Organization of the Ag Summit, right?”
MN Garlic Festival: “What do we gotta do?”
MLA: “Send a a couple of emails to your mailing list promoting the Summit.”
MGF: “Cool. We’re in.”
To hold up our end of the bargain, we have to convince you to go to the Summit. That’s the easy part. Repairing the damage once the Arboretum realizes with whom they are actually collaborating will take more effort.
Here’s five irresistible reasons to attend the Sustainable Agriculture Summit/Sustainable Farming Association Annual Conference:
1) Mary Jane Miller’s* Culinary Workshop: nuts, pickles, beans, ducks, cornmeal & mushrooms.
2) Sessions include: Grape Growing, Organic Growing, Bee Keeping, High Tunneling, Urban Farming, Edible Landscaping, Meat Processing, Creative Financing, Livestock Grazing, Hops Harvesting, Carcinogenesis Interrupting, and Squash Pumpking**.
3) Michael Ableman is going to talk about the dawn of a new world of urban farming.
4) Climatologist Mark Seeley is going to talk about the end of the world.
5) It will be your only opportunity to get the ubiquitous “2-for-1 Garlic Festival Ticket Coupons” on those particular days.
FESTIVAL FUNDS TO YOUNG FARMERS
Part of the festival’s mission is to support sustainable farming in our state, not only through the festival itself, but also by using the proceeds to do outreach.
Here’s one example: The Crow River Outstanding Youth in Agriculture Award is designed to encourage young people ages 14-19 to pursue sustainable agriculture enterprises on their families’ farms. On January 5th, three outstanding young women from farms near Maple Lake, Mayer and Corcoran were honored as recipients of this award at the Crow River Annual Meeting.
Read all about it: http://www.sfa-mn.org/crow-river/
FUNISTRADA RECIPE CONTEST
Since the mid-50’s, MN Garlic Festival has championed the proliferation of garlic recipes in this notoriously bland-white-food state, and now we’re putting our money where our mouth is***: The 1st Annual FUNISTRADA RECIPE CONTEST!
Do you have a favorite funistrada dish? A recipe handed down by your great-aunt’s second cousin? Or are you ready to create the next great Garlic Funistrada masterpiece? And do you want to win fabulous prizes for doing just that?****
Send your Garlic Funistrada recipes to:
Mary Jane Miller*, email@example.com, by August 1, 2013, and you’re entered into the 1st Annual FUNISTRADA RECIPE CONTEST! It’s that simple! (see Funistrada Contest Rules below).
VENDOR APPLICATIONS ALMOST READY
We have a new Vendor Coordinator! (The last one, Theresa Heiland, enjoyed working with all 81 of 2012’s vendors very much, and then she moved to Maine). The new Vendor Coordinator is Tarah Huston, who has so much experience doing these kinds of events that she should know better, and she intends to have the 2013 vendor applications ready – both in print and online – on February 15th (which just happens to be the first day of the SFA Annual Conference).
CEREBRATE FOOD TIMES, COME ON!
Do you think about the Garlic Festival all year round? We do. It’s called cerebrating. So do Kool and the Gang. That’s why they wrote the song, “Cerebration”, which ranks among the most misunderstood and misheard lyrics of all time, right up there with “Oh Fortuna” from Carmina Burana, Manfred Mann’s “Blinded by the Light” (“repped up like a Deutschland on a roller in the night”?), and anything sung by Bob Dylan.
So, here’s the real lyrics to the seminal Kool and the Gang song, which would be the Garlic Festival Theme Song if it weren’t for this one.
Watch the video and follow the words below, and you’ll see what we mean.
It’s a cerebration.
It’s a cerebration.
Cerebrate food times, come on! (repeat ad nauseam)
There’s some pasta going on right here,
a cerebration to last throughout the year.
So, bring your food things, and your peeler, too.
We all gonna cerebrate your garlic with you.
Come on now.
(Yet another Chorus)
Let’s all cerebrate and have a food time.
We all gonna cerebrate and have a food time.
It’s time to cook together,
Let’s make a stew, what’s your pesto?
Everyone around the world, come on!
(while they’re repeating the first chorus and that other chorus, go get a MN craft beer out of the fridge)
(Then it gets kind of mashed up, like garlic potatoes:)
We gonna think about food tonight, let’s cerebrate, with some fries.
(Repeat. Rinse. Repeat.)
(More “Ya-hoo’s”, which is the noise you make after tasting really hot garlic salsa).
MINNESOTA GARLIC FESTIVAL
Saturday, August 10, 2013
10 a.m. – 6 p.m.
McLeod County Fairgrounds, Hutchinson
* Garlic Festival Chef Wrangler, Maven of Mmmmm, Flamen of Flavor, Vicar of Viands, Queen of Comestibles.
** The editorial staff at Stinky News World Headquarters are well aware that “Pumpking” is not a word, but we were on such a roll ending two-word phrases with “-ing” that we couldn’t pass it up. Grammar: D- Style: A+
*** Disclaimer: Our pro bono lawyers*****, who call themselves the Group of Attorneys for Garlic Mediation and Inquiry (GAGMI) say we have to tell you there is no money involved with this, no cash prizes, no pictures of ecstatic winners holding up oversized checks. All you get is honor, glory and the chance to embarrass yourself in front of an audience.
**** But no cash.
***** We always thought “pro bono” meant either 1) a fan of U2’s lead singer, or 2) they were doing it for “the public good,” but obviously it means something else to GAGMI. We never hired these people; they just show up at Stinky News World Headquarters – suits, ties, briefcases, fat billfolds, subpoenas – and give us unsolicited advice we didn’t want. They haven’t sent us a bill yet, but we’re waiting for the other piper to drop, or to pay the shoe, or something like that.
FUNISTRADA CONTEST RULES:
1) All recipes must include garlic. Lots of local garlic.
2) No hazardous or potentially explosive ingredients.
3) Wine always helps. Even in the recipe.
4) Hint: Butter. Lots of butter. Grassfed.
5) Cupcakes must use compostable liners.