a dissertive and discursive dialoge about
MINNESOTA GARLIC FESTIVAL
Parking at the festival costs $1.00. Stop grousing about it. It goes to a scout troop that does cool things in the community and keeps these boys off the street (well, except for the one that leads to the parking lot.) And they help you park your car so it’s not mass hysteria out there and you get in the the festival quicker.
And one more thing:
The pet policy. It’s here on the website: https://www.sfa-mn.org/garlic-festival-pet-policy/. The festival used to have a “no pets” policy, but dogs kept bringing their owners. So, just keep them on a leash, make sure they behave, and clean up after them (owners can be a messy lot).
- What to Do?
- Chef Scrambler Puzzle Contest Winner Announced
- Chef Scrambler Actually Happens, No Injuries Reported
WHAT to DO?
Every year since The Stinky News began reporting on the Garlic Festival in the mid-50’s, we have received a passel of postcards asking for a list of suggestions for what to do at the festival. For example, this telegram from Gary Snyder prior to the 9th annual festival: “Coming to Garlic Fest (stop) Intend to write one of my list poems about it (stop) Please send list of things to do (stop) Then unsubscribe me – just (stop)”
So, in honor of Mr. Snyder, here is the list for 2016 written as a stream-of-unconsciousness, free-verse [footnote 1] poem:
Opening Ceremony, the bulbs are pitched
Relish the aroma of roasting pig, belly growls
Chefs show scintillating sensations with Mary Jane Miller, the Maven of Mmmmmm
Delicious lunch at The Great Scape Cafe, but the pig still beckons
Peculiar Pragmatic Promenade perambulates the perimeter
So much garlic to buy, so little time
Cute kids with crafts and kites
Costumed German kooks, almost scary, but sure can dance
Bodacious beer, wonderful wine, cool cider
Garlic Growing Contest, big beautiful bulbs
Get Locally Laid
But still, the puissant perfume of piquant pig is overpowering
can’t wait much longer, self restraint almost gone
CHEF SCRAMBLER PUZZLE CONTEST WINNER ANNOUNCED
Lynn, owner of Goatin’ Crazy Farm and an amateur cryptozoologist, not only answered the puzzle entirely right, but she also actually bothered to send it in.
Among the prizes that Lynn did not win are a Stinky News Puzzler lapel pin (who wears lapels anymore?), and the presidential nomination. But, regarding the latter, we understand there may be an opening soon, and Stinky News would endorse Ms. Holland without reservation. She did win a free entree at The Great Scape Cafe.
Ms. Holland will also represent the Garlic Festival at the Twine Ball Days festival by not showing up.
CHEF SCRAMBLER BECOMES a REALITY
Working with chefs, especially several of them at once, is no easy task. Just ask Mary Jane Miller, the Garlic Festival’s Chef Wrangler. “It’s not just herding cats, it’s cats who’ve been into the catnip”, says Miller, “But we’ve tried to keep the musical chairs thing to a minimum this year.”
Mixed metaphors aside, Ms. Miller has managed to minimize the mayhem: there are only two changes that won’t appear in the printed program because, well, it’s already printed, to wit:
1) At noon, Chef Jorge Guzman will indeed take your questions at the pig roast site (see the map in the printed program, which should get you somewhere in the vicinity — otherwise, just follow your nose.) But, concurrent with this, Phillip Becht will be on the Chef Demo Stage showing how to use the new hot sauce sensation, “The Widowmaker” for culinary and self-defense purposes.
2) It was previously announced that at 4:00 p.m., Paul Backer of Tilia and St. Genevieve would do a demonstration about “black garlic”. Nope. Instead, Luke Almendinger, also of Tilia, will appear talk about a lobster recipe that uses some black garlic.
But, hey, what’s the worst that could happen? You show up for a chef demo and it’s not the one you expected but it’s still great and you get free samples and admission was only $5.00.
MINNESOTA GARLIC FESTIVAL
Saturday, August 13th, 2016
10 a.m. to 6 p.m.
McLeod County Fairgrounds, Hutchinson
Rain or shine
Adults: $5.00, Kids 12 and under free
Parking $1.00 (see editorial at top of page)
Presented by the Crow River Chapter, Sustainable Farming Association
1) “Free verse” = the poet doesn’t get paid for it.
2) Her other titles include Vicar of Viands, Mavin of Mmmmm, Grand Dame of Gourmands, Queen of Comestibles, and Bob.
3) In previous years, the chef demo schedule in the printed program, which must be submitted to the printer two weeks in advance of the festival, bore about as much resemblance to what actually transpired as a presidential campaign promise.