the irreverent and irrelevant and review of
Sustainable Farming Association’s MINNESOTA GARLIC FESTIVAL
August 2015 (2nd Issue)
BE on TV
Here’s an opportunity to send in one or two of your best garlic pictures or shots from the garlic festival to WCCO-TV (a subsilly communications company of the Stinky News Network). Kim Johnson, from the preeminent morning news broadcast, “This Morning,” wants to feature Minnesota garlic and the festival during Friday morning’s show, and she’s asking folks to send in their pictures. Be sure to include a caption, like “Fanny Flapper of Flapping Fanny Farm near Climax, MN, showing off her big bulbs.”
Ms. Johnson is especially interested in any photos of people actually eating the garlic ice cream, though to our knowledge none exist.
Send your pictures to Kim at firstname.lastname@example.org
FESTIVAL ANNOUNCES CHEF DEMO DERBY
Small Crockery & Cutlery
It’s hard to beat this demo derby for all-out, full-contact, hand-to-hand competition. Returning champion Paul Backer of Tilia will be armed with his signature arsenal of Le Creuset bakeware — more than a few opponents have fallen to his dreaded 24-oz au gratin dish. But challenger Marshall Paulsen, flying the Birchwood Cafe colors, says, “Bring it on, Backer! Your candy-ass crockery is no match for my Eversharp Kikuichi White Carbon knives!”
Full Size Appliance
Freezers, ranges and grills collide in this fast and furious battle of heavy equipment. Phillip “The Victor” Becht will drive a Red Wagon Pizza oven against the likes of Restaurant Alma’s Matt Sprague in his souped up Vulcan Endurance gas range, and Thomas “Whole Hog” Boemer in his Lynx rotisserie spit.
Sponsored by Smude’s Oil, the official lubricant of the Chef Demo Derby.
OK, enough of that nonsense: if you want the real scoop on the Lakewinds Local Foods Stage Chef Demo’s, go here:
A RIVER of KETCHUP II
Did you know that the Crow River Chapter of Sustainable Farming Association has gone into the lucrative though highly competitive locally-sourced ketchup business? These locavorial entrepreneurs have developed a delicious new condiment (this ain’t no Heinz, Hunts or Del Monte, it’s actually got, well, flavor) and it will be for sale at the Lakewinds Local Foods Stage.
The first test batch, appropriately called Crow River Test Batch #1, was a smashing success and is garnering rave reviews. Says Ketchup Council member and former MN congressional candidate, Mike Lilja, “As you dip your french fry, you will savor not only the rich flavor made from produce grown on farms near you; but you’ll also enjoy knowing that every bite supports the farmers, their families and communities who grow for you.”
At the festival, you can walk away with a case or more of Test Batch #1 (or a single bottle, but what fun is that?).
Read more about Crow River Ketchup here on the Sustainable Farming Association webpage:
OTHER PRESS on the FEST
Star Tribune: “What’s Cooking: Hutchinson’s Garlic Festival will draw a crowd Aug. 15”
City Pages: “THOMAS BOEMER PIG ROAST AT MINNESOTA GARLIC FESTIVAL”
Twin Cities Live: “Condiment Hacks”
The Stinky News: “The Biggest Thing Ever” [footnote 1]
The OBLIGATORY PIG JOKE
A devout farmer lost his favorite Bible, which he always carried with him, while he was planting cover crops in the back forty. Three weeks later, one of his pigs walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The farmer couldn’t believe his eyes. He took the Bible out of the pig’s mouth, raised his face heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!”
“Not really,” said the pig. “Your name is written inside the cover.”
MINNESOTA GARLIC FESTIVAL
Saturday, August 15, 2015
McLeod County Fairgrounds, Hutchinson
Rain or shine
Presented by the Crow River Chapter, Sustainable Farming Association
 So, this really isn’t a new article, and it’s not specifically about this year’s festival, but it’s one of the coolest things we ever published and we’re proud of it. So if you’re new to Stinky News in the last two years, you might enjoy this golden oldie from 2013.
 We apologize for the paucity of footnotes in this issue, since we are fully aware that it’s the only part that some of you read.